Vegan Practically

I belong to a local vegan group on Facebook, and people are forever asking for input about where they can go out for a meal with omnivores — “nice” restaurants, family restaurants, special occasion restaurants, kid-friendly restaurants that don’t break the bank. Almost as often, someone will name a particular restaurant that they are going to for a group meal and was not a destination of their own choosing, and ask “what can I eat there?”

Unless you are surrounded only by vegans, which is unlikely for the vast majority of us, you will face these situations a lot. They take a lot of finessing, from the simple task of finding a restaurant that suits everyone, to staying silent about ethical convictions that we feel really strongly about, to enduring jokes and sometimes even insults. Getting past the “is there something on the menu for me? For everyone?” barrier is really just the first hurdle.

An ex used to accuse me of “holding everyone hostage” with my vegan “preferences” when we were trying to decide where to eat. I was never trying to find a restaurant that serves only vegan food. No. I was just trying to factor in my desire to find a place that had something, anything, on the menu for me to eat. Preferably a proper meal, not just a salad and a baked potato or some combination of sides and no protein.

As a vegan dining frequently with omnivores, it’s a challenge that for me has meant a lot of not saying anything. But it’s awkward. And, if you think about it too much, even upsetting.

There is a strong feeling among most people that what someone eats is a personal choice not the least bit anyone else’s business. I know some vegans or vegetarians who do their best to make sure no one feels bad. Lots of the time that’s me — my personal policy is that I don’t raise the issue unless someone asks me why I’m vegan. I’m not in the business of trying to make people feel bad. And generally (as I suspect most humans do) I have surrounded myself with good people whom I like and even admire. And many of these people I like and admire are not vegan.

If someone asks why I eat as I do, I’m honest that it’s for ethical reasons — vast animal suffering (hard not to label it as mass atrocity, but I stick with the more euphemistic “animal suffering” or “animal cruelty” descriptors), the destruction of the planet. That makes it awkward, since there is the implicit judgment that if I’m doing this for ethical reasons, then of course I think that not doing it is to partake in eating practices that are wrong from an ethical perspective. I don’t like self-righteousness at the best of times either. So the point will just sort of hang in the air, unarticulated but present. It’s not for me to draw the inference.

But then it’s time to order, and at the restaurant that has “something for everyone,” we know what that menu looks like. Assuming an omni venue, if you’re lucky enough to (a) be somewhere where restaurants routinely cater to plant-based eaters, and (b) your dining companions have agreed to choose such a place, you’ll have reasonable choices. But you will still have to sit through everyone else chowing down on chicken wings or rack of lamb or ribs or bacon cheeseburgers.

We do this because we love our family and friends and we want to spend time with them. And because socializing over food is a rich dimension of a good life. We don’t want to be seen as “the inconvenient one,” though it’s odd to think that, when dining out, everyone shouldn’t care to make a point of choosing a place that suits the whole party. You don’t take someone who is allergic to shellfish to a place that specializes in lobster, right?

I have long been seen as “the inconvenient one.” But when we push the point of why the vegans are inconvenient, it’s more than just that they make choosing a restaurant that much more difficult. It’s that their very presence creates discomfort because, if you as an omnivore think about it too much, it’s hard to truly enjoy and savour your crispy bacon when you know there is someone at the table who thinks you are supporting mass atrocity and animal cruelty that (let’s be honest) you don’t have to support.

And so people tend not to think of it too much. To do so would truly be an inconvenience. But to be fair to us vegans, that’s not really our fault now, is it? We didn’t create the mass production food context in which the high demand for animal products has created the need for factory farming, which in turn created the facilities that crowd in the animals and raise them in miserable conditions until they are ready to go to slaughter, which is itself a horror show (again — this isn’t dinner table conversation with my omnivore friends, but that doesn’t mean it’s not true).

I am fortunate in a number of ways (countless, really, but for now I’m just thinking of restaurants). London, Ontario has a couple of really great vegan restaurants (like Plant Matter Kitchen and V-Foodspot) and then some food trucks that are more seasonal but also amazing (I love New Leaf Food Truck). We also have loads of vegetarian restaurants with tons of vegan items (like Zen Gardens, Udupi Dosa, and Udupi Krishna). And then we have some regular restaurants with separate plant-based menus (Beertown and The Early Bird [though there you have to know to ask for the vegan menu] come to mind). And we have one fancy place with a separate vegan menu (Ivy Ristorante). You can do equally as well or better in most Canadian cities I have travelled to. For example, I love Planta in Toronto (especially the one on Queen) and MeeT in Vancouver (and it turns out I went to grad school with the founder and chef’s brother!).

My strategy is, when possible, to try for one of these places. They’re all fantastic restaurants with delicious food. I have quite a few regular dining friends who will always order vegan items for family style eating when we go out for Indian food (regardless of what other items are on the menu), and others who, though omni themselves, order from the plant-based menu when they are with me. This has just evolved as a practice, not as something I asked of them. Breakfast is the hardest, and I myself struggle not to want to order eggs when I’m in a breakfast diner. So I get it. But it’s still a tough meal for dining out with others. So much bacon and sausage and eggs and cheese as part of so many dishes.

Here’s what I don’t do anymore: I do not apologize for being difficult. I do not pretend that I’m vegan for health reasons, just to keep the peace. And I don’t laugh at jokes about bacon or burgers if someone flaunts their meat in my face (this, weirdly, is a thing that sometimes happens when people feel especially offended by the presence of a vegan — mercifully and likely by my own design over time, no one in my circles is like that). I also appreciate it when people are accommodating and respectful, but I am not obsequious about it — no one deserves a medal for being willing to choose a venue where their dining companions can have a good meal too. I extend that consideration to others, and I don’t see it as a magnanimous gesture that the same be extended to me.

What are your strategies for navigating the world of social dining with others who eat everything and don’t think ethical considerations are relevant when they’re choosing a restaurant or perusing a menu?