Vegan Practically

A friend sent me a funny vegan thing the other week and I just have to share it. It’s a humourous piece by Jessica F. Lillian, published in the Belladonna Comedy, called “Things People Say When You Tell Them You’re Vegan BINGO.”

I would love to just show you the whole thing here, but I am worried about copyright so I’ll just mention of few of the things and urge you to go check it out at the link above. And here (for your convenience).

It really did make me laugh because it is one of those things that is so close to the actual truth. I’m sure anyone who has ever told anyone they are vegan has heard at least some subset of these things (all quoted from Jessica F. Lillian’s piece):

• “Protein?” (and variations on this concern)
• “Romantic ode to bacon”
• “Haughty assurance that the pricy places where they buy their meat are exempt paradises where the chickens merrily line up and sometimes even throw little parties on their way to slaughter.”

The free space in the middle is of course “Stop being so militant and aggressive!”

And, having recently been asked if I would eat animal products in a post-apocalyptic scenario where there was nothing else in the world, the “edge-case hypothetical involving roadkill, tasty aliens, and/or cannibalism” resonated.

Having been a long-time feminist, I am used to being stereotyped as humourless. Adding veganism to that mix just compounds the situation. But it’s not the case that neither feminists nor vegans have senses of humour.

What is the case is that we don’t find jokes about rape or about animal suffering to be funny. And maybe, just maybe, when a vegan (or a feminist) is subjected to those sorts of jokes, they won’t just not laugh, but they might actually say something. Something like, “I don’t find that particularly funny.” And rather than confront why the joke isn’t funny, it’s easier to condemn the outlier who doesn’t laugh.

But back to the vegan bingo. There are a few things we could add to the card:

• Ode to cheese
• What about honey?
• What about crickets?
• We’re doing farm animals a favour because without us they wouldn’t have lives at all.

Anyone who is vegan has had many of these conversations over and over and over. Mostly, unless someone is being truly obnoxious, I try to take it all in stride.

What else can we add to the vegan bingo card? I’d love to hear your additions in the comments!