Vegan Practically

kindness noun /ˈkaɪnd.nəs/ the quality of being kind

kind adjective /kaɪnd/ generous, helpful, and thinking about other people’s feelings

(from the Cambridge Dictionary)

When vegans talk about their stance towards non-human animals, they often offer thoughts about the importance of kindness and compassion. The slogan “Kindness Matters” comes up a lot, and it is not just offered as a platitude.

I really like the idea of generosity captured in the above definition of “kindness” from the Cambridge Dictionary. The website Inspire Kindness (focused on kindness, not on veganism), offers a dictionary definition (from an unnamed dictionary that I couldn’t find), that adds “friendly” and “considerate.”

It’s a fairly common stereotype that vegans might advocate for kindness where animals are concerned, but they are decidedly unkind when it comes to humans, at least in certain contexts (e.g. dining with omnivores). The “things people say when you tell them you’re vegan” bingo I referenced the other day has “Stop being so militant and aggressive!” in its FREE SPACE.

As noted in my post on dining with omnivores, it’s a tough balance to strike. You’re taking an ethical position that consuming animal products is wrong, on the one hand, and yet you are at a restaurant that serves such products, sitting at a table with others who are ordering and eating them, on the other hand.

I do think kindness matters, but as a vegan slogan I am more inclined to consider its application to animals who are really at the absolute mercy of humans. To turn it back on a vegan who is using it to make a point about how very little consideration is given to animal suffering (even by people who claim to love animals), is really to deflect the conversation and re-centre it onto humans. It’s a dismissive neutralization of an extremely important truth. This is a strategy most people who care about social justice are familiar with (for example, think about how the point of “Black Lives Matter” is erased when someone insists that “All Lives Matter”).

This is not to say I don’t appreciate and value and practice kindness among humans. But that is not (in my view anyway), the focus of “kindness matters” when it’s invoked in vegan communities. And to gloss over the actual point to remind vegans to “be nice” at best creates a frustrating interaction.

There is a thing in activist circles, I’m most familiar with it from feminism, called “tone policing.” There’s a great infographic of it on the Feminism in India website. They say: “Tone policing is when someone tries to diminish the validity and importance of a statement by attacking the tone in which it is said and presented, instead of the message itself.”

The interesting thing where veganism is concerned is that the message itself, delivered in almost any way at all, even simply by asking for vegan options, is read as angry, aggressive, or unkind to others who are not making such choices. You can use the sweetest tone in your tone-repertoire, but the message itself is considered aggressive.

I have worked hard on expressing myself in the most neutral way possible. And for the most part these days I succeed, even if it sometimes takes some effort. My actual tone, in other words, is usually (95% of the time) pretty measured, not even with an edge. But I transgressed recently, becoming “that vegan,” by saying the words “mass atrocity” in relation to bacon when out for breakfast with friends who were eating bacon. The tone of my delivery wasn’t itself angry, but it’s hard to deny that the words contain a judgement. One good friend in particular considered it unkind and has rebuked me for it more than once in the days since, culminating in a retaliatory act that was in turn unkind and unappreciated.

Was my comment unkind? If we go back to the definition as “generous, helpful, and caring about other people’s feelings,” adding further the idea of being considerate to the mix, then yes. Knowing that someone is going to feel accused and judged by suggesting that they participate in mass atrocity through their food choices is unkind. It’s neither generous nor friendly nor considerate of their feelings.

And hog farms where thousands of pigs are housed in barns as they are raised and prepared for slaughter in conditions that are crowded and stressful and do not acknowledge the social needs of these highly intelligent (more intelligent than your dog or your three-year old baby) and playful animals are also unkind. Canada produces a lot pig-products, and most of the pigs that Canadians eat are locally sourced from enormous factory farms. The conditions in which each of the 21,818,069 pigs slaughtered in the Canadian hog industry in 2021 (see the Carlisle Report, which presents the growing industry as a good-news story: “Canadians eat a lot of pork!”) are not generous or friendly or considerate of their feelings. Often it is truly horrific and a new Ontario Bill (156, which received royal assent in 2020) prohibits trespassers who might film undercover footage to reveal the conditions.

When kindness and compassion matter, and when there is a tension such that extending it towards some (for example, to animals who have no voice) is virtually impossible without causing offence to others (which is not kind or compassionate), what do you do?

The fine line is difficult to walk. Strategically, I am well aware that vegans are not popular because they are viewed as militant, unkind, angry, and aggressive. I am also aware that veganism itself is viewed as an extreme and difficult lifestyle, not attractive for that reason. So I do try to approach it gingerly — my friends know I’m vegan and they know why. I do not need to initiate uncomfortable conversations every week when we go out for breakfast, and I don’t. The conversation referenced earlier only arose in relation to the blog, when I noted that since starting the blog I have become a much more “perfect” vegan. I noted the irony of it all, since the purpose of the blog was to carve out a legitimate space for imperfection in the practice of veganism (which I still think can be done) to thereby make it more approachable and attractive to more people.

It’s possible that I am too far-gone. I will never be the “plant-based” eater who bends myself into a pretzel not to offend, staying silent about my reasons even when explicitly asked. I do know people who, even though their reasons are about animal suffering, will say they do it for their health just to avoid making anyone feel bad. They are being kind, yes, but is kindness the only value. In my view, integrity also matters. So I’m honest about my reasons when asked.

I do my own tone policing of myself. I love the people in my life, very few of whom are vegan. Those relationships matter to me a lot. Moreover I am of course not perfect myself — not just am I not perfectly vegan, but I am flawed in countless other ways. Nor am I trying to make it my business to call everyone out on their choices, even if I disagree with those choices. For all of these reasons, it makes sense to be generous and helpful, to think about others people’s feelings, to be friendly, and to be considerate. At the same time, given the omnipresence of animal products everywhere we turn in this world, this requires a heck of a lot of conceding to the majority in order to “keep the peace.” Meanwhile, over there on the factory farms, animals suffer through miserable lives by the billions.

How to be friendly and considerate and respect others’ feelings in a way that advances vegan concern about animals is an important question. The answer likely lies in fewer conversations at meal-times and more conscious involvement in organized initiatives and non-profits that are actively working in the interests’ of animals.